[ he kinda. twirls his finger-- pointing at mephisto's waist. ] I don't know a lot of context, but I do know shape shifting and otherworldly powers aren't exactly human traits. [ nor is a tail. says the guy with an artificial eyeball that sasses his poor life choices. ]
...
[ he looks thoughtful at that. ]
Both? Something went wrong so it had to be destroyed?
Oh, there is! There are quite a few within the Order who don't trust me in the least, and see fit to remind me of that fact at every council meeting! It really gets old, to tell the truth.
I've had my share of skeptics for the whole two hundred years I've been with the Order, but this past year since the most recent Paladin was appointed has definitely taken the cake!
...Though admittedly, I did hide some pretty big things from the higher-ups.
You really said all that, then pulled the whole “but I did keep some pretty big secrets ☆“ line out, huh? [ he can imagine the uh… annoyance from the higher ups. then again, it had been higher ups keeping secrets from him in his memory, which was a little more complicated ]
Bigger things than “surprise, your occupational hazard might be a teeny tiny little risk of entire body swapping”?
[ … ]
Must’ve been a pretty unpopular choice if appointing one Paladin kicked off a whole load of tantrums.
[ oh it's so cute how you're speaking his stars now. ]
Oh, no, they're mostly from him. And one other guy.
Buuut I might have not told them about the half-demon children the previous Paladin was raising in secret for fifteen years. Or about the fact that they came under my guardianship and enrolled in my school after his unfortunate death.
[ just imagine the most tired millennial sounding “☆”, that was date. ]
…
[ he looks like he’s thinking about that. ]
… I mean if it makes things easier for kids, then inter-department politics can take a hike. [ dad mode. also rip to those kids though. ] Would the higher ups rather have just left them alone or something?
They were supposed to have been killed, actually! A preventive measure.
[ so literal rip to those kids almost ]
The official story I gave was that the knight Shiro Fujimoto had exorcised Satan's twin children shortly after their birth, when in actuality he spent the next fifteen years quietly raising them as their father.
[ smiles. ]
That was part of the favor.
[ he is absolutely cherry-picking the facts of this story to paint himself in a more favorable light here. it's fine. ]
[ LOVELY. he loves hearing about kids that were supposed to die! really warms the heart and makes him feel kinda pissed off.
but there's another pause before he speaks. ]
... Satan has kids. [ huh. ] Wait-- I guess that's not so strange. I've already heard one situation kinda like that. [ his roommate is literally the son of hades after all. ]
So your exorcist-in-training lost his bet, owed you a favour and that favour ended up being "can you shelter these twins who happen to have Satan as a dad and not let them be murdered by the paranoid masses? Thanks."
[ ... Kaname Date doesn't even know who Shiro is and he thinks he seems like a solid guy. ]
Well, if you want to get technical, the body he was possessing at the time is the biological father, but one of the children did inherit Satan's flame.
[ and the other one just got to be his window. ]
Mm, a little like that, but he was much more involved from the start. He was a friend of their mother's and was present at their birth. The fact that he refused to kill them was in itself "yielding to a demon" — so he got the parenting duty he'd tried to dump onto me.
[ this is also sugarcoating things a little, but who's going to know! ]
[ actually he already yielded to a demon when he made a fucking deal with mephisto in the first place so he always knew he'd get to collect eventually!!! he just waited twenty years to do it. ]
It would have been harder for me to keep them hidden with the scrutiny I tend to be under.
I also can't say I have much in the way of parental instincts.
Maybe I only failed mildly? "Most okay-ish" isn't "Worst".
[ ... ]
I couldn't leave a kid in a situation where her own mother was hitting her. I don't know if it's any better for her in other ways, but there's that at least.
It’s not like leaving her with her parents was an option. [ … ]
Although Renju could’ve offered to upgrade my apartment or something. If I have to keep sleeping on the sofa until she’s 18, my back is going to crumble into dust.
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[ he kinda. twirls his finger-- pointing at mephisto's waist. ] I don't know a lot of context, but I do know shape shifting and otherworldly powers aren't exactly human traits. [ nor is a tail. says the guy with an artificial eyeball that sasses his poor life choices. ]
...
[ he looks thoughtful at that. ]
Both? Something went wrong so it had to be destroyed?
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[ very matter of fact, despite providing no useful details.
and on the section 13 subject— ]
Mmm... [ kind of an ehhhh not exactly expression ] For now, let's just say it's complicated.
[ you haven't unlocked the satan lore social link yet ]
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[ he shakes his head. ] There's no... I dunno. Conflict? A non-human involved in a group that trains people to hunt other non-humans?
[ the satan confidant.... ]
It didn't sound not complicated. Secret shit always is.
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[ ♥ ]
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[ yikes. ]
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...Though admittedly, I did hide some pretty big things from the higher-ups.
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Bigger things than “surprise, your occupational hazard might be a teeny tiny little risk of entire body swapping”?
[ … ]
Must’ve been a pretty unpopular choice if appointing one Paladin kicked off a whole load of tantrums.
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Oh, no, they're mostly from him. And one other guy.
Buuut I might have not told them about the half-demon children the previous Paladin was raising in secret for fifteen years. Or about the fact that they came under my guardianship and enrolled in my school after his unfortunate death.
It was just easier not dealing with them.
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…
[ he looks like he’s thinking about that. ]
… I mean if it makes things easier for kids, then inter-department politics can take a hike. [ dad mode. also rip to those kids though. ] Would the higher ups rather have just left them alone or something?
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[ so literal rip to those kids almost ]
The official story I gave was that the knight Shiro Fujimoto had exorcised Satan's twin children shortly after their birth, when in actuality he spent the next fifteen years quietly raising them as their father.
[ smiles. ]
That was part of the favor.
[ he is absolutely cherry-picking the facts of this story to paint himself in a more favorable light here. it's fine. ]
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but there's another pause before he speaks. ]
... Satan has kids. [ huh. ] Wait-- I guess that's not so strange. I've already heard one situation kinda like that. [ his roommate is literally the son of hades after all. ]
So your exorcist-in-training lost his bet, owed you a favour and that favour ended up being "can you shelter these twins who happen to have Satan as a dad and not let them be murdered by the paranoid masses? Thanks."
[ ... Kaname Date doesn't even know who Shiro is and he thinks he seems like a solid guy. ]
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[ and the other one just got to be his window. ]
Mm, a little like that, but he was much more involved from the start. He was a friend of their mother's and was present at their birth. The fact that he refused to kill them was in itself "yielding to a demon" — so he got the parenting duty he'd tried to dump onto me.
[ this is also sugarcoating things a little, but who's going to know! ]
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If that's a literal trait of Satan, then it kinda takes away any questions about the whole thing.
That's one way to exploit a loophole. [ refusing to kill a child that just happened to be part demon. ] Worried you'd be a terrible influence?
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It would have been harder for me to keep them hidden with the scrutiny I tend to be under.
I also can't say I have much in the way of parental instincts.
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Some people don't.
Better to know that than try and fail really badly.
[ says a man with zero confidence or skill in parenting the world's sassiest 12 year old. ]
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[ ... ]
I couldn't leave a kid in a situation where her own mother was hitting her. I don't know if it's any better for her in other ways, but there's that at least.
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I think it's commendable that you'd be willing to put the decadent bachelor lifestyle behind you for something like that!
[ he'd sure as fuck never do it! ]
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[ still. ]
[ he closes his eyes. ] Sometimes sacrifices happen.
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I suppose so.
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It’s not like leaving her with her parents was an option. [ … ]
Although Renju could’ve offered to upgrade my apartment or something. If I have to keep sleeping on the sofa until she’s 18, my back is going to crumble into dust.
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You and Shiro would have gotten along quite well, I think.
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[ a look. ]
That the name of the kid? The one you conned into dad-of-the-year?
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[ no joke. ]
Not entirely sure if that’s a sincere statement, or you’re making fun of me, or both.
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